What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
15.06.2025 09:43
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
Is heroin really as good as people say it is?
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
How did Madri, mother of Nakula and Sahadeva die?
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
Is it true that schizophrenia can sometimes be a demonic attack or black magic?
When she asked me how she looked .
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
I don,t even have a pension.
Mel Brooks is returning for Spaceballs 2 - The Verge
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
What would you do if you were lost at sea in the Florida Keys?
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
(And it was in our own minds.)
Who then, do I blame.?
Does the West have a defense against China's PL17 air-air missile?
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
What life lesson did you learn the hard way?
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
I couldn’t, believe it.
As i do to all so called friends.?
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
Why does a narcissist act like it's nothing when they hurt you?
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
Is anyone up to have a little conversation?
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
How far does good behavior take you in a prison?
And who doesn’t know suffering?
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
I think the readers, may guess!
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
She was in good health!
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
I was 9 years of age.
All the time i was locked up.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
Was to survive, this bastard.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
I was scared of men, in general
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
I was seconnd youngest,
I said to her
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
But, we were locked up after school.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
Ive learnt so much.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
I was very sick at this time too.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
My life is so biszare .
Comes on , in middle age.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
Put me off passion for life!!
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
She found it foreign!.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
She wouldn,t have been !
One cannot live in the past .
I could never make a relationship work though!
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
He knew the spot.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
She married twice! .
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
And i lived it daily.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
We were not on the streets..
I did it because my mum asked me too!
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
He was dying to do it , i knew.
This is soul school!.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
The only rule us 5 kids had .
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
She loved him until the end.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
I have no regrets .
This is how, and why children get BPD.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
Im still living with it.
It was going to be , some day.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
I write beautiful poetry .
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
We all went to grammer schools
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
He resisted the act ,that day.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
Especially a lifetime of it.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
But ive been too sick for many years..
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
I never cut or harmed myself..
Would this be the day?
But it wasn’t much.
I waited trembling.
My family never makes their pension either.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
What did i know ?
I know ,a lot about trauma.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
So, i spoilt her more .
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
Why did i forgive my father ?
So whats the point in blame.
I will be 64.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)